Cola Pratfall

Cranky comic book brat curls her hair with dreadful creamed potion, sulking over the loss of another delicate companion. Her eyes braided, she swaps relics with a neighboring slipper-soled stick figure. Soon, the uncanny twitch will begin again and she will ooze into the office, knowledgeable but not sure. Not yet.

It's Tuesday in the Hot Barn

Soaked and poked with the tar prod, you conjure a sensation of shriveled lust. How glorious were the slappy twistings and livid palpitations of your years in service. Diagonal shadows on the tiles, wheezing whispers from under the door.

You are chapped here, stepping gingerly between the cardboard-shaped plant stumps in the courtyard. You think you can hear the rustle grind of bean parasites, but it may only be the ceiling fan.

Spring-tail Honda Car

Our neighborhood was a clam's breath in an old pot, houses like unpopular candies tasted once and discarded. The gourd shaped rock in the middle of the cul-de-sac stole ambitions and curiosities from us.

My neighbors owned wagons and boots, hoses and saws, blades for flesh and turf. We read each other's diaries.

I was sent away in a cold carriage with a tissue scan drive under my seat. I had a little bit of everyone. 

Knife Puck

I found my chin in the seaweed pile on the corrugated metal. It was poked by spare wristwatch hands and looked good for its age, but gnawed and corroded all the same. A priest gave me a trifold brochure for a clinic where I could have it replaced with a hungry man's heel.

The sea bird cried about its pretzel. Still, the towers of crates in the warm light made everyone feel easy, chosen. I strummed the ocean membrane and ate the seeds I bought. 

A Chap with a Tape Measure

A turtle ate an entire tree in one meal this weekend. Everything went in, lichens and railroad spikes and kites and baby owls and old empty nests. A turtle in the weather of the weekend made one whole tree its meal. 

The guy watching the turtle eat the tree sat atop a gold Ford Bronco with a towel under his butt. His girlfriend Laura arrived at night with bags of jingling spice wafers.

Laura opened a bottle factory with a large inheritance when she was a college undergrad. The bottles full of soap spill premium good liquid on the blue fake shoes her boyfriend wears at work. 

Laura taught positive attitude to dancing parents, stifled in linoleum crust and hidden like digital fly wings. Now she can relax while a turtle devours a whole tree.

Shadow of the Crinkle-Cut Fries Bag

None can see the junkyard in this olive colored light.

Only three former mayors of this city have been divorced. And they dine together, weekly, at the Momentary Summit Family Restaurant.

From there, they see the chooglin sprawl of the trashplanes. They see it just fine.

The big guy with the tray of prepared meats has been paid for this work for seven years and he spends that money on corn colored pants. Corn is cooked by the chef too.

The chef wears fake blue shoes and has been doused in zigzag condiments — part of his education, you know.

A fading airman loses his lunch and the control panel lights up like Independence Day seen from a high drone. The sky loses its grip on the fine homemade plane.

Now the fields of rubbish suck in the doomed vehicle and its addled pilot, smack of aluminum slap rot in the milky humid night.

Up in the two star restaurant the gathered mayors and the big meat tray man in maize trousers watch the desperate descent and the ensuing fluctuation's easy glow, but feel that it is theirs alone — their private tragedy, their delightful pocket death.

Brushed Nickle Ass Plug

The wasp is exhausted, but steps softly onto my fingernail. Irritating in a temporary depression, and an ache hole opening in the plaster. The wasp will be there forever. I try not to take things, because of the tolerance I gain. It's better to build a counterfeit noun scaffold, to be believed by a doctor. To get pulled into pain.

Balsam Tree Disaster

I feel like a crow, no somewhat flexible creature in hock to the authorities. I have no title or case full of high fidelity video. Something that happened, you know, an apology to an abuser. Everything is sensible. It still happened.

It still has a quality, an availability. It doesn't resolve, I don't think, but it manifests as a sawdust smell or the memory of a trapped cat.

I'm Sippin the Paste

Over the glittered bridge, the musicians grovel before their therapists as their families observe from an undisclosed location — a fine situation meeting with broad public approval. As the musicians rise to their flogged feet and the halogen lamps broadcast their sturdy residue, a trickle of complaint necessitates haste. Orphaned, the troupe webs and knots until asphalt curls into exposed condolences.

Pierced in the Knuckle

Well, the snowman shits himself silly. Meanwhile, the playground chaperones wrap themselves in brand new netting. I wave, but my acquaintance is inside a swollen nose.

Where did foolish Brenda buy the grey tubes? If I find out, I'll have to spin a mint lamp holster. Crap.

The snowman screams elite swear words, the playground sinks in the sodden field.

Bubble Eagle Fork

Battletoads video game fans lie in their burlap hammocks strewn across the town park. This is where I've parked my white Honda car as I enjoy a bit of citrus flannel with a pricy friend.

Blown across the porch of the sky, the smiling moon sings a rotten little song about people leaving their least favorite theme park. Shot with stone marbles, the moon drinks wormy taco juice.

Presented by the insurance company, the art in the grand promenade trips a sensor. My wrinkles leak the warning. I've seen burglars crease the soil until the old halo ejaculates. This is my impression of the installation. 

Simplified for Nurturer

The diplomat's kiss transports me to the wagon showroom where blackberry hat salespersons console each other in the wake of the horrid deflation of the city memorial. I sneak to the office of the showroom manager to steal one of those lacy little mints shaped like the Eiffel Tower.

When the procession begins, freezing glue weeps from the cracks in the walls. The dry nerves reach up from the butter tanks, gripping the ankles of the blackberry hat people; they stumble and go red-legged and powdered — like a very rich weave of spotted nut rind.

Tan Mug

Cramped raisins in the tub, Mr. Flavor kicks the giant caterpillar in the soft saddle region until the dull beast bulges into good humour. Sinfully, the great lumber columns of the championship arena quiver in the steam.

The poor groaning larva flattens to the cobbles of the arena substrate, highly decorative for the tarts in the mainstream hose box. Those fine luscious sturdy ladies fan themselves with mango pyramid sides, triangle fragrant breeze drifting from the lattice to the dead wig worm crying below.

Orange Memo

Make the shoe, chucked with thick coin syrup and sticky spoon creme. Don't want it lumpy, a scrambled wet element in the left hand and a devil's tee shirt in the right (oily and laughing). It's not half happening.

The crammed hard body is the seedless business. Puree the salt and mix with a chilled tube: floured like one's roommate, but not clapping like clamped yogurt.

Tastes good. Terrible flat piss trampling my biography. Lingual twitching as I dip the timepiece into peas.

Alone with Cranberry Dad

Triangle carriage has floated to the cake tree zone where clouds spike flesh masks in the square. A rubber hot flake of a pasta toy falls from the mistress's map tube. That is when the rope man twinkles into the market of oils. The mistress, loaded with globe's jelly and humming grid film, rakes her hands across the mask of the man before it can be sublimated.

Fritters in the Dark

At dusk, the slim gross teen boy takes a jacket from his nephew. The jacket is patched together with varied denim, stapled strips of even older jackets. There are like eighty or ninety jackets in the mix. Blueberry wood spikes in the breast pocket, a photo of a mousy dog in the inside pocket along with a piece of hickory gum. Now alone, our teen with his jacket spies an abandoned canoe in the parking lot and paints himself like a hyssop flower.

Gilded in the Maze

The house shaped like a fiddle smells like frozen egg yolks. The flower pots have faces painted on them. Miniature statuary, vulgar, bought from an estate sale, lurks in the foliage. Puddles on the walk blink with lonesome heat. The Realtor ® speaks with a cockney accent when he's making his wisecracks, and while I'm not yet seduced, I am waxing my fingertips. I am slipping discs of paper in the gap between the wall and the shabby wainscoting.

2021...

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A Caper During a War

Hundreds of years pass and the best PI in town falls prey to a crazed prince, who seeks to control the king’s supposed enemy. Unfortunately, the only one who is not cultivated to illuminate a troubled ambition has been dismissed as a vibrant possibility. The academy becomes a place of great cheer and tranquility. Soon, well-known characters from history’s most famous fables, nursery rhymes and fairy tales are assigned a recon mission beyond the wall of their nation.

Fool's Exodus

The war between humans and the President of the United States is over.

After uncovering a dominated stoic, Dr. Bryce finds himself labeled as a grand lead actor in a comedy. He is left with no choice but to flee to failures, many of which begin as mythical familiarity. Here, he must undergo serious moments to uncover the meaning behind the birthplace of a dark Communist sense of humor and aid a group of adventurers in taking a stand against every triumph in life.

To him, existence was a supernatural evil. For someone who considers himself a nobody, he was staring at me in the mirror.

White Whistle

Once upon a time the un-Christlike Christians trusted survivalists and a black Republican business professor. The professor, rejected by his mother, is in the clutches of a black liberal journalism professor. Recently, however, a series of hilariously tumultuous kidnappings have begun to improve his intellect.

After a misunderstanding on an airplane, they quarrel about promoting creative writing. There follows a satisfying mercy. As he himself admits, “I’m a controversial sports columnist and would like to be tackled."

Old Vampire Daughter

When the elderly ghost hunter hires the local vampires to search for a missing fairy, troubling memories and emotions invade the ceremony being performed by the police. His investigations into out-of-body experiences and the 60's generation merge with those of some witches. And they think the friendly mystery writer is controlling citizens of Seattle who simply won't die.

Something is killing the detective. Based in Chicago, the spirits point to one of the ageless witches and remember the Emerald City.

Color-blind Seawater

A private detective never lies, never cheats, and never commands an old woman who volunteers at the public library to draw near to the throne of a dead girl. The entity waits to recover the twenty million dollars her only husband placed inside an ancient Egyptian Coptic, inscribed box. She knows she saw a blue howling lawyer.

Once metamorphosed, she holds the damnation, surrounding the mystical box and spinning before God.

Covetous Roar

During a long overdue vacation, a nymphomaniacal psychic and a rich actress devise a plan to exchange an anonymous mother with a world-class female outlaw, ultimately becoming unflinchingly erotic. Perhaps most intriguing of all, a successful businesswoman with a very special gift who is neither gilded angel nor flawlessly analytical whore turns a phrase as effortlessly as a loving husband rescues a freelance writer from a burning orphanage.

Vampire Log

When you’re Santa Claus, unimaginable cowboy pugs give you doom. An event transpires to transform a Colorado cowboy into a small television filled with the cold virus.

A mysterious visitor holds the mementos, creating pictures of creatures in a small southern country town and various TV commercials.

What lies ahead for Santa Claus my husband Richard is a couple of thrills. Will they survive the fight against the "real" Santa? Will they find some of the people my daughter made into vanishing treasure?

Satin Legends

Martin Stone, given the name Santa Claus, is programmed to kill the man at beauty pageant. But will he reach the White House in time to form a band and come up with the name for the band?

Some musicians and singers will trap the zombies in the cabin. Please enjoy the secret weapons planted in the signal.

Kris Nicholas Kringle attended two years of college and made some astonishing rock and roll. Because of his childhood adventures on a camping trip, grabbing a brilliant blue crystal, Santa Claus was given a car.

Lady Wears a Grandfather

Comforted by her loving parents, an exceptional sniper is robbed. She becomes familiar with the strongest single fortress in the world, brimming with meticulous detail in Dallas. The attractive, skilled horsewoman has had a lifelong interest in martial arts and vicious soldiers. After committing outrages against a special team of German paratroopers, she seeks to become a passionate young woman who must undergo personal relationships. She becomes familiar with camping and brutal lessons of family.

Fangs of the Christmas Star

A midwestern city is terrorized by a starving police officer. It seems impossible to survive dreams about blankets of snow and a strange snake. U.S. Marshal Cole Stockton and his best friend Laura Sumner do battle with a frozen cougar, actively hurtling toward online war games.

Laura has a hard time keeping track of these deadly role-playing games; Cole is attacked by a traveling Old West enthusiast and Louis L'Amour fan. He uses his deadly bite to hurt humans.

The Secret of the Wizard's Sleigh

The Roman Empire's dragons are being challenged by a fearsome army of witches. The only power capable of painting a flying ship, an orphaned dog named Timothy, becomes lost in New Hampshire’s Wapack Mountain Range. Learn how he and other monsters travel across New Hampshire, and how they deal with an unusual gift—a sleigh bell. They also meet many elves, dwarves, and a young wizard through positive thinking.

Fallen Christmas Empire

It has been eight long years since the Emperor was last seen, murdered and stored safely within his hatred. After they are begrudgingly forgotten, a race of super humans delight a special reindeer through a powerful invasion of fantasy. Meanwhile, a strapping teenager has been blackmailed into helping a half human, half snowman sixth-grade teacher suffer. With the supreme strength of the Nutcracker, they reject Christmas forever.

The Way Out of Christmas

Life has been a great adventure for bratty, eight-year-old Rick and eighty-three-year-old Frosty. Rick decides against heart failure, and in his mind he travels back to the snowy and picturesque village where he met a beautiful stewardess who later took his Harley-Davison motorcycle. But, fortunately, Frosty triggers a the birth of Jesus Christ. He has something sober for thousands of Rick’s trolls.

Liars of Noel

For the past twenty years, a troll army and a Nutcracker have participated in cowboy poet gatherings, singing, and faithless love. Christmas has been under attack for years, thanks to incredible sex with the evil Ice Queen and her doctor.

Santa Claus grows weary of glitz and glamour and embarks on a quest to seek help from a mysterious woman who enjoys the parties, excitement, and uninhibited sex in a special snow globe. While following clues hidden at one of America’s top dude ranches, he is torn between continuing the incredible sex and reciting his original romantic songs.

Santa Killed Me

Imagine Santa in a high school. His poetry offers bullying and teasing to the parents of children contending with Santa, Christmas, and teens.

A thirty-something self-proclaimed 'plain Jane' has numerous years of experience doing acceptable poetry. Once she encounters the psychologist, someone to pal around with, she changes her hobbies.

Refined Candy Nut

Auspiciously, Johnny suffers from an insidious love-making ignorance. And he is the man in prison for ending the on-going threats to a dreamer with shoes on. Johnny needs to learn things, desperate to abuse the wrong holes and spend the rest of his life washed-up. Born in 1966 in a small town in New Jersey, he has endured years in the dark with one hand strapped to a bedpost. He delivers the lunacy of etiquette.

Panty Queen

A reporter encounters an interesting person in Buffalo, New York, trying to love bad guys. With the support from his loving wife, a man running from a drug dealer waiting for the madness keeps stumbling upon good girls. An old man and his boys are going to have to get the madness, but somehow a real ghost and three evil teens take it to a whole different level. They are going to the nonstop halloween party, troubling a drug dealer.

A Collection of Gangsta Boos

From the time they were introduced as little girls, Santa's elves have stuck to each other like hot mint chocolate. Their lives seem to be in perfect order, until they are introduced to Mrs. Claus, fully immersed in a street life fueled by magic, love and adventure. Although they are beautiful young women, they are gangstas at Mrs. Claus' large kitchen table. After Santa's elves transform into cold-blooded, heartless murderers who will kill anyone who gets in their way, they decide to read a collection of Mrs. Claus' Christmas stories. Now only time will tell who will live.

Reindeer in Graceland

The mysterious death of a Christmas tree leads a mother to accompany a claims investigator to the discovery of a treasure trove of small humble songs by the world's most popular small boy, and his parents. The King of Rock n' Roll himself is excited that he is finally old enough to learn that there are many people who accompany his father into the nearby woods to cut their hands on the presents. What follows is a magical tale of religious fanatics, crooked cops, the mafia, and even a father and son from Long Island, New York, protected by a former insurance company executive who lives in the Texas hill country near Austin with an acknowledged expert in the field of public speaking.

Best Bike Wolf

This is a children’s story about a werewolf and the unknown reality. What do you do when you suspect that your homesick lodger is precious and special to an Interior Designer and Business woman?

Set against the backdrop of Wharfedale, the story unfolds until people dream of going to the North Pole. Two friends decide to be welded to their camaraderie. The only question is... should all children long to preserve a funny accent?

King Motorcycle

Santa is grumpy because a right-winger loves landscape painting. A Viet-vet and journalist wanna-be, he gets lost in a snowstorm and ends up screaming. Next day, anarcho-terrorists take over the Kingdom of the North Pole. Something must be done and Santa worries about homicidal perverts writing books for chemically deranged truckers and bikers. Evil drunks have just been hacked to pieces by stray cats.

Hmmm, might be a story there!

Immaculate Counterparts

A loyal soldier of the CIA has become increasingly upset and denigrated. Not only were the president’s officers nice, the tough guys who had meddled in stuff aggressively decided that it was time to rely on little boys. We don’t need any kind of agenda. Yet the new leadership successfully ignored the language of force.

Danny's Christmas

Danny discovers that Marie felt the emotions. Marie is ready to strike Santa. Santa is hurling through space without adults, children, parents, and grandparents. Adults, children, parents, and grandparents won’t be hiding under the experimental space craft that just landed. Danny won’t be shared with as many adults and children as possible. Santa has been taken from his best friend.

Gunslinger's Treasure

Most families in the early West wanted to share the sparkle of slaughtered adults. Against the approval of those closest to one of Arkansas’s largest gunfighters, children destroy a box of tissues.

Vince Masters, the youngest animal educated as an architect in the Wild West, finds that having eggnog owned by his aunt has exposed him to the unknown outlaws. He finds that the many hours spent on learning to revel in the pleasures of twinkling lights and cowgirls keep him away from the hustle and bustle of the busy holiday season.

So solemnly put away the one honest thing in your heart. There’s never been a better time to find the food and blood and share the sparkle of excitement and warmth of being forced to use mistletoe.

Snowy Tailfins

The late 1950's will remain the setting for my life and very neat adventures. The 1959 Buick has always been special to me and my favorite Grandmother.

I introduce comfort. I believe a true relationship with the baby bunny and my Grandmother is part of my life. I introduce the baby deer to train travel and the Christ Child in the Great Forest. In the 1950's as well as the 1960's my grandparents follow a baby bunny to the real comfort.

Ornament Wishes

What would you do if an alarming event requires the intercession of elves living in special envelopes, detached from the darkness that Santa causes? And what does it take to meet one of Santa’s elves? What would one of Santa’s elves do if an itinerant banjo player disappeared after Santa’s "experiment"? Have they been expecting too much from little boys and girls during the weeks before Christmas Eve? The elves are only grownups.

Reindeer Porch

Tearfully sweet and warmly graphic, my dear wonderful sibling will capture your non-existing horse. Their delightful personalities and antics will fascinate those who never give up believing their dreams can seem realistic and filled with pumpkins.

This is by far the most delightful Christmas craze feeling, a highly detailed story of yearning witches and emotional angels who discover the mystery of what happened to the twinkle in someone's eyes. There is no end.

Hairy Seasonal Quest

Tina has used her sick and dying vicious animals to reveal the strange mystery of continuously expanding, fun and witty Christian imaginations. To see her daughter become totally desperate to save her from death, Tina has raised a young golden dog. Christmas, interwoven with Thanksgiving, Halloween and Easter, creates a dark fantasy about Santa Claus’ embarrassing attempts to journey through dark forests and fiery mountains to out-do the Easter Bunny.

Christmas House Issue

Holly is a sweet, lovable wife, small and upset and sleeping. This highly traveled English teacher finds a blue marble, making us realize that we become a memory. This and all that I have experienced are causing me to open her presents. All that I have seen is making the most difficult Christmas; I am still simmering amidst the energetic red season. Holly's master gets upset with playing hide and seek with her and the hidden Cocker Spaniel who has a pencil.

Breaking Box Turtle

Grandma Abigail can never be fully explained. You will discover that only the elves know divine power; the industrious little elves in rural Georgia brimming with wise social companions. Grandma is enlightened about horse shows, growing weary exploring woods and creeks, honoring an exceptional reindeer with her mythical dogs. They explain the true world and compete with the redeemer of horses.

Hints on a Fairy's Visit

In the midst of an enchanted forest with mysterious people planning an enjoyable experience and gentle warm chocolate milk springs, stands the small cottage of a little delightful elf and his jolly poor child. He has seen things that changed him in such a way, that he has experienced vapors that twinkle.

He is one of the three Wise Men spoke of in the Bible. He will provide invaluable guidelines for designing buildings, bridges, cranes and chemical and mechanical systems. He is a student of desire and toy making.

He is usually a basic little smoke artist, drying his red chest with his unusual fire, sitting on an enchanted chimney.

Villainous Rules of Spite

Nearly everything is in ruins. Addicted to the familiar wounded childhood, the powerful robot is being terrorised by the biggest Hollywood model.

The farmer’s daughter becomes president and agrees to rescue the mortally wounded man and must survive the powerful dinosaurs.

When their two worlds collide, the president and a loving man find a way back home and live near her family in a house with a forbidden place to hide.

While she and her husband pity the powerful robot, he’s whisked away to another childhood.