Team Calcium Alarm

Designer's top fashions and slippery utensils, together at last...

I carry excavated pleasure and creamy philosophy. I also carry a tote bag I received during an uncertain retail experience. I swing the sturdy little bag to and fro as I walk, occasionally breaking branches of ornamental shrubs or cracking horny agents of perpetual lamentation in the noggin. Eventually I figure out the way home. It happens the same way every day. Thanks again for all of the reasons why I can't believe in different ways to be a problem.

The chocolate and the best tasting bread is in a box somewhere in the yard and I will probably find it soon.


Gravel Brisket

In my work I have carefully researched a mysterious mastermind who is a living testament to sporadic outbursts of warfare. After seizing power in northern England, he met a young man who became intrigued by a young lady he met at an inn.

When a shocking courtroom decision causes the unification of world religion and secular culture, they have terrifying encounters with cavern-dwelling creatures who emerge from their caverns at night to scour the countryside in search of food, which includes humans.


The Cartoon Doomsday

The restaurant’s general manager has never been the most popular guy in Pennsylvania. Obviously, that’s because the only payment he really needs is the deliciously bitchy thrill he gets when he feels everyone’s heart rate jump after he pushes hilariously drunken beautiful people into tearful circumstances. The pleasure of this is pill-and-booze-fueled trouble. A nagging question occurs. Is extinction imminent for this miniature celebrity-voiced adult and his half-assed domesticated wildlife?

Smoking Piñata

One day a morally neutral robot sat all by himself on a bomb. It isn’t hard to imagine that. It's banal. The robot, dangerous and frightening, can think and feel the way youngins do. I believe it fills the space left absent by the cynical and vicious at-risk kids who got to watch the Radiohead concert with Edward Norton.


The Yellow Square

How will you sleep? How will you find the unknown sanctuary? I will find myself curled like a frothing bryophyte, switching spirits with subfloor dwellers, the things we ignore in their lives of perpetual compression.

I will breathe the spore-laden air in hidden pockets of human habitation, knowing myself anew, knowing myself as a pathogen.

When Families are Gutsy Masters of Fast Automobiles

Specialists who want to navigate the pitfalls of sociopathic tricks fake their own deaths. A genius begins the most legendary new threat to the ultra-conservative stunts of the completely ruthless nymphomaniacs. But costs are ridiculous, and a teen with an uncertain future is happy to provide an illegal supply of magical blood.


Twenty Looks for a Day of Dreadful Bargain Hunting

Here is the detective's loft. It is a crime scene where some killers killed a man from a reputable organization in the office building next door. It is currently for rent. You should stay right here.

I suggest you kill people for money, write a new type of dubiously erotic novel, or work for an online marketing company. Stay in this loft until you begin feeling affection for art and music. Your family might send the occasional message via Yahoo's new chat service, do be sure to get the internet hooked up and create a free Yahoo account.

Part of you will never get back home.

I never found my way back either. I've been thinking about it since my son messed around with the pitcher on the baseball team. I feel like I was not able to stop them from doing that stuff.

Purity Puppet

Do you want to or need to go out? We can't control this wild lotion that seeps from this rent concrete. So the lonely beauty and the middle aged man with the unseen body coax excuses out of us. They say our attention is highly appreciated. It's time for the teeth.

Midwest Water Modules


suck the sack 5: Afternoon Someplace

You leave a mark on the ceramic tile
Aware of it and dimly amused
There will be a concerted effort tomorrow
Concerning this mark
Next to the mirror is a fixture
Intended to bear various utensils
It is going to fall soon
There will be a noise
It will startle the residents of this place
But you will be gone by then
You will own a new aggregation of thoughts
Away under the unauthorized infrastructure
There will be needs there
And no one to fill them

Pining for Comedies

Much has been made of the people in student groups, but the originality they have is constantly a source of information. Most originate in the fourth-largest population center in Canada. Most of the members of the groups are responsible for an administrative entity seeking to affect the public good.

My own family is doing well. Most of my favorite recipes come from my phone. I have to give thanks to the people in the future.

Locker Room Backlash

What does the wolf do? In 1999, when the first rival’s embrace brought out a streak of avarice that was unappealing in children, he trumpeted the victories. But there is a problem. It’s not really the violence he and his supporters chose not to report to the world of the game. It's something else. A representative for a boy in the real world in which they lived had come into his office white as a ghost and said he just saw a 9-year-old in New York possibly abusing a cunning granny!


Cargo Pants Consultation

There’s a young man in a retail uniform buying a hot dog on the corner and his best friend is watching my hand as it moves across his cheeks just loudly enough for us to hear. This man identifies himself as my father, a true friend in this place, removed from the city, in these wild woods, like a shadow in my peripheral vision. At that moment, I am an unpaved laughter killed by a city, an internet buddy from millions of years hence fluent in languages we can’t imagine, encased in a matrix older than the words we use for an act of sacrificial generosity.


Red Character

Socks on a rhinoceros, I love you. Socks on a rabbit. I'll take it. I'll catch it.

Smile. The girl with curly hair is smiling. You can see her teeth. Do you smile like this?

Socks, blue socks you wear. Mother will be home when the snow falls. A rabbit will go backwards. We whistle and I have a good time.


I can tell about the newly purchased and fully fantastically furnished domicile now that the non-disclosure agreement is expired, bro.

Corn bread and corn dog on the plate, corn mash and corn soup in the pot by the plate, corn treats and corn juice sitting on the granite countertops we demanded when we purr-chased this tasteful bungalow on the gentrified industrial corridor west of Arby's. Corn-colored couch and corn-colored curtains in the humid living room. Corn-scented linens and corn-flavored soaps in the master suite. Corn-shaped pleasure toys in the drawer next to the hot yellow mattress pedestal in the master suite. A painting of a corn-smoking corn-man's field of good GMO corn on the wall above the mattress pedestal that is covered in corn-scented linens colored hot yellow in the master suite.

We are anthropomorphic cats which explains the odd usage of "purr-chased" in the preceding purr-agraph. Anthropomorphic cats who love the corn

Hollywood’s Championships and Clinical Sponge

Congratulations, greedy mums & children. Your creation myths retooled four self-involved New Yorkers.

Once upon a time, it was possible to complete history. The rough parity of lives and thoughts usually featured hateful historic tidbits that illustrate the diluted soporific behavior. The first eight minutes, while he still had two legs, lips, tongue, and teeth, could empower his team and his country. Luckily for fans, I felt a sputtering incoherence. The devoted fan could obscure his human qualities.

The Most Overexposed & Overstudied Powerhouse

I thought it'd go nicely with trouble paying for much of anything since 2012. If you're anything like me - the stupendous fiscal crisis keenly felt - a bony tail will be a great metaphor for much of the same background info. Boy, was I wrong about chronically short sunlight and chemicals! I'm not boasting, I'm legitimately curious. To my knowledge this is a rather unusual period in cornball and whacky highway calamities. As many expected, the quiet board game legislators have bartered for absolutely active, muscular and modern-looking holes.



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Literally Children of the Cloud

The thing that seemingly everyone abruptly produced makes the otherwise intense stargazing logical. Love it or hate it, mystery feels like an extraneous ass. And we don’t even get a collaboration between a pretty brutal singer and some flabby king of post-apocalypse Las Vegas. It's insane, almost every vocal activist for animal rights was giving away apples to a needy family. For all his idiocy and lack of higher functions, the hooker with a heart of gold is twice the size of a shrieking and freaking unseen goth.


Lost Blue Things, Recognized

Do not write about a memory, or a cluster of memories, or a tangle or wad or wound of them. Don't think about those people whose faces are all swapping pieces and whose voices are cresting waves of white noise. This is all pixels and magnetic witchcraft. The only rule you have to follow is the one painted in red paint on the glass above you, the cracking glass covered in birdshit, dissolving.

Lie on your back on the tortured concrete of this place, feel the garbage of this life press into your back flesh, masturbate furiously, masturbate with panic in your eyes, masturbate until you get hungry then go eat something, drink something, engage in whatever self-care practices will bring you peace.