Drug- and Sex-Obsessed Brats 4

All of the people I know stood on the ground that is my yard and when Ritz exited my well-appointed home, they were beyond crestfallen. I turned on my extremely bright security spotlight. I saw them gathered around the pond where my large goldfish live.

"I will feed you," I said, "But I expect to have explained to me what exactly has driven you to my yard in the middle of the night, culminating in the illicit entry of my home by my platonic friend Ritz."

Walker Jog spoke for the crowd. "We are loathe to explain ourselves at this moment, but we shall sup with you if it be your will."

"Aye, Walker. Aye. It is. Come around to the barn in the backyard, which I use for banquets and such."

And so the banquet began.

Drug- and Sex-Obsessed Brats 3

"I have never before seen the inside of your abode," Ritz said, a cagey sort of insouciance in both of her twinkling eyes.

"Noted," I replied, "but I'm more concerned with the rather disgusting footprints you are leaving on my Kevin O'Brien Daisy Petals area rug. Master weavers in India and other world-class rug-making regions didn't labor for countless hours so some American's platonic female friend could soil it at an ungodly hour of the night."

Like a cowed mongrel, Ritz backed out of the house. She walked on the tips of her toes, leaving a distressing number of tiny brown smudges on the strikingly dynamic grain and knots of my Acacia hardwood floors, further sullying the positive energy, exuberant flow and optimistic attitude of my home.

Drug- and Sex-Obsessed Brats 2

With the silver key from the false avian domicile, Ritz opened the front door and gained entry into my extravagantly decorated bungalow. She was impressed by my Varaluz Aisen Collection Recycled Steel Floor Lamp, particularly enchanted by the Hammered Ore finish highlighting the steel textures that are a hallmark of the Aizen Collection. Awoken by her intrusion, I discovered her in the midst of this reverie.

Drug- and Sex-Obsessed Brats 1

All of my people came to my yard and one of them walked up to the porch and looked into the picture window on the front of my house. Her face was so close it made a mask of steam on the glass. Her name was Ritz and she used her memory to obtain the secret key in the artificial bird's nest in the Thuja.